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04/19/2007: "Letter from GW"
On 4/19/07, GW
> Dear Herodotus:
>
> I was reading your blog at http://herodotus.memebot.com/ and I thought, hey, this guy's pretty
> cool! But then I read "Bush & Cheney Should Resign" and I thought, "What's up with that???" I mean
> I thought you were on our side! But noooooooooooooooo. You think me and Dick should resign and
> let that old broad Pelosi take over? What the hell are thinking about!? I mean she's not bad looking
> and all, and sometimes I have had a naughty thought or two about her, even for an old broad, but
> still I just can't see her in the Oval Office! At least not sitting at the desk... maybe underneath it...
> hehehehe. Naw just kidding. You'll have to get Clinton back in office for that stuff.
>
> But I digress. Although I didn't like your comments about how me and Dick should resign, I thought
> some of things you said made some sense.
>
> Now the "Surge-Thing" is not working out quite like I wanted it to. Yes, our troops seem to be a
> little safer since there are more of them out there and it seems neither side is targeting them so
> much, and the Shiites seem to be lying low for now, but I am not sure if we are making any real
> long-term progress with them, and the Sunnis are acting up worse than ever.
>
> What should we do?
>
> Your friend.
>
> GW
>
> ps: don't print the stuff about me liking old broads like Pelosi, ok?
Dear GW:
I am glad you wrote as I was thinking a lot about the "Surge-Thing" lately and wondered if you were keeping track of the progress. Glad to see that you are paying attention to these things. It does indeed seem like some things are getting better in Iraq. The rush to the Jordanian and Syrian border by terrified Iraqis seems to have slowed a bit, but that might just mean that everyone who was able to get out has already left. More encouraging is the fact that people are starting go back to Baghdad, a clear indication that things are getting better there. And although it is hard to believe, it appears that both sides seem to want the US troops to stay, if only to hide behind them as they carry on their relentless attacks against each other. It seems that US troops are no longer being targeted like they were.
But I think you are wise to be concerned. It is clear that there has been no let up in the violence on the part of the Sunnis, and it seems that the Shiites are just biding their time waiting for an opportunity to strike. Radical Shiites have infiltrated every part of the Iraqi government, military and police force. I am not sure what you can expect to get out of more efforts in Iraq other than bad press. Remember, no matter what happens in Iraq the Democrats and the Media are not going to let up on you so don't count on them for support. And the truth of the matter is that it will take years to convince the knuckleheads down their to stop fighting each other, you just don't have that kind of time. If you are not going to win this one, you might want to consider cutting your losses and moving on.
This is what I suggest you do:
Take a play out of the old Clinton Play Book and tell everyone that you really tried hard. Declare Victory by reminding everyone how you beat the hell out of Sadam, his world famous army, and his gangs of thugs, and that you really really tried to do your best in the occupation. However, it just wasn't really your fault since all those crazy Arabs just seem to want to blow themselves up. You've spent billions of dollars on trying to rebuild Iraq, and all they seem to want to do is tear the place apart. Remind everyone that there is no shame in quitting when you have done your best, and then try to look very serious, sympathetic and caring, and say, "We have done all we can in Iraq. We have done our very best. Now it is time to give others a chance to solve this problem."
While you are doing all this you need to be cutting secret side deals with all the other powers in the region:
* the Kurds need to be controlled in regards to Turkey but need to be rewarded by giving them Kirkuk and other areas, and provided with a healthy dose of US military aid and support. The new Kurdistan needs to be our well mannered and obedient Ally in the region.
* Turkey needs to know that we will not let the new Kurdistan do anything to interfere with their internal problems. We need to to be clear about this, and make sure that the Kurds understand this as well. If the Kurds misbehave they will find themselves with Turks to the North, Iranians to the East, Sunnis to the West, Shiites to South, all trying to kill them, and the USA no where to be found.
* We need to let the Iranians know that we understand that they have a very special relationship within the Shiite south of Iraq, and that as long as they do not try to expand beyond that area, we will have no problems with them.
* We need to let the Sunni states know that we support them in the face of Iranian aggression and that we will stand behind them (well behind them) as they proceed to support the Sunnis against the Shiites in Iraq. However, since we don't really have any authority in the UN, with the Europeans or with the Russians, there is really very little we can do to stop the Iranians from doing whatever they want to do, whether it is building nuclear weapons or overrunning the Middle East. (That should put the fear of Allah into them!)
Now the result should be a nice safe place in the Kurdish north where US troops and "security forces" can operate freely, an agreement with Turkey to lighten up a bit if there is a quid-pro-quo from the Kurds, and total chaos in the south as the Iranian backed Shiites and the Saudi backed Sunnis proceed to fight a bloody proxy war for a generation or so. If things are handled correctly, the Iranians will wear themselves out trying to fulfill their dream of a New Persian Empire (this could turn into a Vietnam for the Iranians instead of for the USA -- remember what happened to the Russians in Afghanistan?), the Arabs desperate for our help will be more cooperative than ever, the oil will continue to flow out of the Kurdish held areas and neither the Saudis nor the Iranians will allow the conflict to escalate to the point of interrupting the flow of oil from the Persian Gulf, and we may even be able to lure Syria out of its alliance with Iran with promises of increased trade and support. And with our catbird seat in Kurdistan, we can carefully manipulate both sides to insure that neither side ever gets strong enough to win.
Think about it. You have a lot of friends running for office in 2008, and I bet they would really appreciate it if you would solve this problem in Iraq one way or another, and let them focus on other things.
Your Friend.
Herodotus